


Insufferable

by kayls



Series: Growing Up/No One Understands [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Religious Conflict, it was more of a fling, just because they're everybody's drug dealers, meulin and kurloz are barely mentioned, the relationship wasn't really a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 14:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1431724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayls/pseuds/kayls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Kankri Vantas and no one should ever have to deal with the likes of you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insufferable

Nobody likes you. Tolerates you. Treats you like a human being. You're nothing more than an animal to them, a troll under the bridge.

Lately you've given your precious God the middle finger, taken to pills and alcohol to alleviate the feeling of being alive. But now as your eyes clear you can tell that it was all just because you were too afraid to die.

You skipped classes at the seminary. You kept praying and praying but the voice that had been there ever since you could remember was nothing but static-- a force that once kept you clear kept you guided has disappeared off the airways of your heart.

You lose your fear of death on Sunday morning, when school rules dictate that you should be in chapel. You could come under academic probation for this-- but hell, you already have a degree in public relations and God seems to have abandoned you so there really is no fucking reason to stay at the school. You thought you wanted to maybe go into preaching. But now the Almighty has given you an almighty “Fuck you, Kankri.”

While all the other little sheep are flocked in the chapel, you enter the building. You bypass the chamber where you're supposed to be singing the praises of God, and head up a back stairway used only on special occasions when you have a bell ringer in the tower. You go up and up and up, God the height is dizzying, until you come out of the dark and you're in the tower. You consult the clock stationed near the bell; a relic from when members of the graduating class would ring the hourly bells to get extra credit from one of the professors. 

It's 11:59am, your hands gravitate towards the rope and you grasp it firmly but you don't move it yet. You count your seconds carefully until noon, and when it strikes, you pull hard, ringing the bell and the peal of noise screams out across campus, you pull it again and again until below you can hear the doors opening and students pouring out and you scream.

“HE ABANDONED ME.” You scream it so everyone on campus, everyone in town can hear. You scream it a few more times to be sure that the message gets across and already you feel exalted, watching some of your classmates point some calling 911 on their cell phones some running to get campus officials. You think about going to a perch to make your final fall from grace but something tells you to grab the bell, so you do, you run back over to the bell's rope and pull and pull and pull like you're trying to pull God down from his perch and there seven times that feels better, you clamor back over to the edge and you put one foot up on top of the brickwork and hold yourself steady, watching the crowd and some of them are praying but most are screaming begging you not to jump and even though you've been at this school for four years, can name at least half of the wave below you by name, no one knows yours anymore.

You put your other foot on the edge when you hear it.

“Kankri!”

You pass it off as imagination because you're nothing to anyone here, just an animal just a troll not even God who wants everyone wants you.

“Kankri, God, you can't jump!” A screaming little broad in the crowd is shouting at you, and the mass of people look at her and collectively move apart, maybe because she knows you and maybe because this is town has always been conservative for a college town and she's pierced and inked and looks a little like one of Hell's angels.

“What the fuck do you care, Porrim?!” You scream back, spitting down trying to hit her in her worthless face this is the first time that she's acknowledged you since you broke most of the school rules in a single night getting drunk and high (because god damn it she's always hanging out with Meulin and Kurloz and picking up God knows what from them) and having sex and you didn't regret it at all until she left at 4 in the morning and stepped on the shitty floorboard and woke you up and didn't even say goodbye.

“Don't do it, Kankri... You still have a lot to live for!” Porrim cries out and she looks worried for you.

You laugh. “Fuck you.” You tell her, because she can really go fuck herself. “This is all her fault!” You scream and let go of the sides of the balcony and a quick breath and a one-two-three and you're doing it you're falling from grace.

And though something lifeless in a red sweater lays in a crowd of now crying classmates who will all get A's on their finals for having to witness that, you yourself just keep falling and falling and part of you hopes it stops but you're mostly happy you never have to see

her

again.


End file.
